A Lesson in Patience

If I was forced to name my biggest weakness, I'm almost certain that after painfully listing out endless issues of mine... and then listing out a few more, I would eventually land on patience. It is not my strong suit. We have DVR and fast forwarding through the commercials takes too long for me. I don't like things that slow me down on my journey (even if that journey in the moment means watching Shark Tank) and that is definitely not an attribute, or lack there of, that I am pleased with. Not only am I not good at it, I'm so not good at it, I'm too impatient to even make baby steps in that direction.

Insert God and his irony. As Levi is now a little over two months away from turning three, it is becoming clearer and clearer that we have a very long road ahead of us, and little to show for the last nine months of speech therapy, six of which have included intense speech therapy, four times a week. Today, Levi has maybe about ten words that he uses spontaneously, and when I say ten words, I mean he may say one of those words- such as "moooooo" (for move) as he pushes you to move- maybe once in a week. And not only that, but it a partial word, or approximation as they call it in the speech world- not even the correct word. He can get to more sounds at this point than he could six months ago, such as /s/ and /n/. He can also do some new combos, such as "puppy" "baby" "bubble" "mommy", but all of these things can only be done with prompting and usually a very concentrated effort by him.

Things are moving at slower than a snails pace. No way did I think we would have so little progress in such a long period of time. And yet, I am so proud of Levi and how hard he works. He spends two hours in the car each week driving to and from speech therapy, and three and a half hours each week working. He tries so hard to move his little lips and tongue in the way he needs to, and even spends a decent amount of the time failing, yet almost never complaining. Slowly over the last year, he has learned that working on speech is just a part of the way of life for him. I am so proud of him for every little step he has and hasn't made.

So, I've decided to quit fighting the rush rush rush of wanting to speed through "fixing" Apraxia for Levi, and allow God to refine me in the area of waiting. And waiting patiently. With hope and with peace. Levi is such a bursting ball of joy and giggles and fun, he is already making this slow journey enjoyable with his insane cuteness and bubbly attitude. While I will always long for the day when I will finally hear him call Brian "daddy" or be able to understand the story he's telling me, I will wait with joy. Thankful for the present time that we are in, even if it isn't as I would have planned.

UPDATES:  Levi's device was covered 100% by insurance (Praise God!!) and should be arriving any day now. Yippee!  Also, Levi had an appointment with the Developmental Pediatrician this week and while we didn't really learn anything new, I Levi does officially now have the diagnosis of Apraxia. The Dr. said the diagnosis really is good and bad. Good in his case that there are no cognitive issues, Autism, or other physical disabilities, but bad in that there is a long, intensive road ahead in regards to speech. He also was retested within the school speech program, and is on par for his age for receptive language (another huge praise as being unable to speak can often really hurt receptive language also), but at a 15-18 month level in regards to speech. Nothing surprising there.